Moving On

Some people say that moving on is easy….. Well I have news for them there is nothing easy about it. I have had a lot of life changing events happen in the past year that are not so easy to move past. One of which is a relationship that I was not ready to see end. Why is it that love is simply not enough anymore? I know that we all have our issues and it is hard to live with people, but what keeps us from accepting or wanting help from the person that you love or that loves you. I am telling you moving on after a broken heart is terrible. And I feel for anyone that has ever been through it. But I am working on it. With help from friends and family and strength that I have found in myself. Another part of moving on, is moving out. I am going to be moving into my first place by myself and I am excited and nervous at the same time. Yes I lived at home with my awesome dad until I was 25. I moved from there with one of my many exes (there is a pattern here) and we lived together for 4 years. I then lived with roommates for a bit and then with my recent ex. Being on my own is going to be a new experience and I am just hoping that everything will be ok. That coupled with other stressful times and a broken heart is going to make for an interesting experience. Hopefully a good one. I can only hope that things will get better in time, hard times pass and my emotions wont get the best of me.

The way things are going….I may just be the 40 year old bachelorette that everyone has said that I would be.

Poetry Thursday Cont....

Sorry I missed last week everyone, heres the new one for this week.

Regret

Regret is not saying what you wanted to say
Before your loved ones judgment day
Regret is the hurt you carry with you
When you don’t do what you wanted to
Regret is the pain that rips you apart
When you couldn’t say what was in your heart
How do you rid yourself of this grief
When the one you never told the ground holds underneath
How do you tell them you love them and how much you care
When you know they will never again be there
How long can you hold this feeling inside
When your friend has already died?

Road Rage

My road rage is getting terrible. I feel like I am going to ram someone with my car one of these days. And what is it with all of these idiots that just feel they can do whatever they like while driving. For some reason it seems like at least once a week I get stuck behind this teal green Suzuki Sidekick on my way home from work. He drives like 30 on the freeway and almost causes an accident every time. There was finally a break in traffic last week and I as able to pass him. Well I finally noticed why he drives so slow. He is about 500 hundred pounds and his belly rolls around the steering wheel, he was stuffing his face with a huge burger and holding his drink with the other hand. COME ON!!! A full meal on the freeway. I rolled down my window and yelled some obscenities to him. The other day me and my friend Val were going to lunch. I was in a turn or go straight lane waiting for the light, this guy is sitting behind me in line. Well I guess he didn't need to turn and thought I was in the wrong, so he sped past me in the other lane honked and flipped me off. If I wasn't in my dads truck I would have followed him and slammed into the back of him at the next light. Today I was driving to work in the snow storm, and this yahoo from California speeds up to right on my bumper and starts brighting me. I am thinking to myself "Don't slam on your brakes and why the hell does he need me to move when he can get over in the other lane". Well I guess I missed the class on the left lane in the freeway merge is a fast lane, even if it is snowing. He finally gets over speeds past me and the slams on his brakes in front of me because the cars up ahead are driving slow due to the snow storm. All I kept thinking was I hope he gets in a wreck. That would have made my day. Instead I have a sore neck because he pissed me off. I need help I think. Guess the anger management class didn't help after all. :)

Self Esteem

So I am having an issue with self esteem. It seems like when this is going on, everything that anyone says seems to hurt my feelings. Why is this? Why cant I just ignore it and walk away, or take it as a joke if it is one? So frustrating. And why is it that women have these overwhelming insecurities all the time. I would like to be like a man where whatever happens, happens and they dont worry about things like we do. It isnt fair.

Poetry Thursday's

Well I haven’t had much to say lately, but I have been getting back into writing poems. It used to be my passion and I wrote at least one a week for a while. I have pulled my book out and have started again. So I figured I would share them with you for a bit on Poetry Thursdays.

If I told you…..
If I told you how I really feel would you turn and run
What if I said you’re on my mind with every rising sun
With every breath your name goes deeper into my soul
I want to tell you that my heart your hands have stole
With every thought that comes to mind there is always one of you
And a constant reminder of all the things you do
You always know how to make me laugh and brighten up my day
With just a sound of your voice my worries go away
I want to tell how I feel but I am afraid of what you’ll do
Maybe someday I will have the courage to say that I have fallen in love with you

I wish.....

I wish that we could bottle time. I would bottle up all the good times and live them over and over, when the bad times come. I wish that everyone could be healthy and happy and get all the things that they wanted in life. I wish that people could experience loss on their own terms, and not on someone else’s. I wish that happiness lasted forever and not just for a short period of time. I wish that everyone could be independently wealthy, and everyone could enjoy life and not have to work to get by. I wish that there were more time in the day to enjoy the things that you love in life, and not just the things that have to be done. I wish I could push mute on some sort of remote, so I wouldn’t have to listen to some people talk. I wish that there was a cure for cancer, so that so many people didn’t have to suffer. I wish that the sun would shine all the time and the temp would never dip below 60. I wish that we could keep all the friends that we have had through time and there was no such thing as fighting. I wish……. Please add on with your comments.

Pondering

How did I get here? Wondering about the future. I have tried so hard to live the right way, but it got me nowhere.
Why can you feel so safe with a friend until the times get tough. Once the tough times affect them they are gone.
I wish there was a way to see the future and you could make decisions based on outcomes, not the other way around.
Why do innocent people get punished, while the guilty go free? I guess its because the innocent people are harder to scare.
If love makes the world go around, then where is love when we need it?
If money isn’t everything, then why do we hear about it so much? Maybe because that statement is BS.
Why don’t happy endings happen in real life? And how did someone come up with the happy ending if it doesn’t exist? I prefer movies that have a real ending. Everyone dies and he doesn’t get the girl that he wanted. That’s real, that’s life and it makes me feel like I’m not missing out on something :)
I want to live life backwards, why don’t we have that choice?
When did it become ok to not care about people’s feelings? Looking good and caring about careers is now more important.
Everyone says that the criminal justice system is broken and everyone can see that, then why hasn’t anyone fixed it?
I liked growing up in a time when you could be curvy and it wasn’t considered being fat. When did anorexia become Hot?
The economy is broken……..lower the cost of food, gas, clothing and vehicles and poof, its fixed. I asked a rocket scientist and got that answer.
Where is the cure for cancer? I know someone has one, why can’t we have it?