Self Esteem

So I am having an issue with self esteem. It seems like when this is going on, everything that anyone says seems to hurt my feelings. Why is this? Why cant I just ignore it and walk away, or take it as a joke if it is one? So frustrating. And why is it that women have these overwhelming insecurities all the time. I would like to be like a man where whatever happens, happens and they dont worry about things like we do. It isnt fair.

Poetry Thursday's

Well I haven’t had much to say lately, but I have been getting back into writing poems. It used to be my passion and I wrote at least one a week for a while. I have pulled my book out and have started again. So I figured I would share them with you for a bit on Poetry Thursdays.

If I told you…..
If I told you how I really feel would you turn and run
What if I said you’re on my mind with every rising sun
With every breath your name goes deeper into my soul
I want to tell you that my heart your hands have stole
With every thought that comes to mind there is always one of you
And a constant reminder of all the things you do
You always know how to make me laugh and brighten up my day
With just a sound of your voice my worries go away
I want to tell how I feel but I am afraid of what you’ll do
Maybe someday I will have the courage to say that I have fallen in love with you

I wish.....

I wish that we could bottle time. I would bottle up all the good times and live them over and over, when the bad times come. I wish that everyone could be healthy and happy and get all the things that they wanted in life. I wish that people could experience loss on their own terms, and not on someone else’s. I wish that happiness lasted forever and not just for a short period of time. I wish that everyone could be independently wealthy, and everyone could enjoy life and not have to work to get by. I wish that there were more time in the day to enjoy the things that you love in life, and not just the things that have to be done. I wish I could push mute on some sort of remote, so I wouldn’t have to listen to some people talk. I wish that there was a cure for cancer, so that so many people didn’t have to suffer. I wish that the sun would shine all the time and the temp would never dip below 60. I wish that we could keep all the friends that we have had through time and there was no such thing as fighting. I wish……. Please add on with your comments.

Pondering

How did I get here? Wondering about the future. I have tried so hard to live the right way, but it got me nowhere.
Why can you feel so safe with a friend until the times get tough. Once the tough times affect them they are gone.
I wish there was a way to see the future and you could make decisions based on outcomes, not the other way around.
Why do innocent people get punished, while the guilty go free? I guess its because the innocent people are harder to scare.
If love makes the world go around, then where is love when we need it?
If money isn’t everything, then why do we hear about it so much? Maybe because that statement is BS.
Why don’t happy endings happen in real life? And how did someone come up with the happy ending if it doesn’t exist? I prefer movies that have a real ending. Everyone dies and he doesn’t get the girl that he wanted. That’s real, that’s life and it makes me feel like I’m not missing out on something :)
I want to live life backwards, why don’t we have that choice?
When did it become ok to not care about people’s feelings? Looking good and caring about careers is now more important.
Everyone says that the criminal justice system is broken and everyone can see that, then why hasn’t anyone fixed it?
I liked growing up in a time when you could be curvy and it wasn’t considered being fat. When did anorexia become Hot?
The economy is broken……..lower the cost of food, gas, clothing and vehicles and poof, its fixed. I asked a rocket scientist and got that answer.
Where is the cure for cancer? I know someone has one, why can’t we have it?

Hang In There

It seems like it has been a rough few months for a lot of people that I know, including myself. I just want to tell everyone to hang in there. It has to get better right? If not then whats the point..... So it will get better and I am here for all of you.

Used Crap

Everyone always makes fun of me for getting a new car every year or 2. Well that has come to an end finally and I have decided to settle on paying cash for a used car. Screw used cars!! That is all I have to say. Maybe I am just used to having a warranty and getting things taken care of that way, or even having a car without problems. Well let me tell you I have had a great time with this car that I bought. I purchased a 2000 Honda because everyone says “Honda’s run forever, you won’t have any problems with a Honda, Honda is the way to go”. Hmmmmm maybe they are talking about a different brand of Honda, or a brand new Honda. I have had noting but problems. It started about a week after I bought the car…check engine light is on…..get the code checked at Auto Zone and it is something to do with the temperature…..spend $75 to get the radiator flushed because its dirty…..light comes back on…….spend $125 to find out it is the thermostat…….spend $65 to get a new thermostat……….weird noise in the transmission…….something internal will have to take apart to fix may cost $500-$2500 depending on what’s wrong......then last night……take car to my dad because it is having a hard time starting, he asks me to start it so he can check it out and it wont start……..battery is dead in the driveway, cant take it out of gear if it doesn’t start. So I had to ask my dads neighbor to take me to Auto Zone to get a new battery…..new battery $69…..I hate used cars!!!!

Friends

I have always been one of those people who put a lot of stock in friends. Sometimes they let you down, but if they are good friends then it will pass. I have always been one of those people who sees the good in people until they show me their bad side and it effects me negatively. Some people may say that my friends are more important to me than anything else. Well when you’re my friend I consider you my family and if you have been my friend for a long time then you will always be considered part of my life no matter how long it has been since we have talked.

I realized this even more over this weekend. My friend Anna is here visiting from Texas. I have known Anna since first grade and we went through school being friends and became great friends as we got in high school. She moved away about 7 years ago and it was so hard. I saved up my vacation time so that I could go see her in Nashville as much as I wanted, and this went on for a few years. Then Anna met the love of her life and got married and had kids, and our carefree hanging out changed. But it changed for the good in her life. She is happy and loved and has 2 beautiful children. I hadn’t seen her for 5 years until this weekend, and it seems like we never stopped being close. We talked like we never stopped talking and we hung out like we never missed a year. She made me think of all the friends that have come and gone in my life and we talked about the old days and about the fun times we used to have and the people that we always hung out with. It made me miss the good old days. It also made me thankful for the people that I have shared experiences with. I was happy to hear that people that still mean a lot to me are doing well in their lives, even if I haven’t seen some of them for years.

I just want to say thank you to all of my friends for the experiences that you have brought into my life.